If you're an introvert, you know it. If you're an extrovert, you don't know it unless someone else tells you you are. Why? Because introverts are very self aware, extroverts wouldn't think to find out why they are the way they are.
This is not a scientific book, or a self-help book. It's based on observations and conversations with other introverts and extroverts from all over the extroverted spectrum. The spectrum ranges from friendly people who are comfortable in any setting, to those that have no clue just how irritating they can be because they never shut up long enough to think about how they are perceived. They're pretty much self-obsessed.
I love being an introvert. We are superior social beings really, since we make an effort not to annoy other people. If we suffer socially, it isn't because we want to become more extroverted, it's because we get embarrassed for those extroverts who don't know how irritating they are. I'm not talking about the enviable social star extroverts who are comfortable in any setting, actually listen to people, spend some one-on-one time with others, but don't annoy the hell out of people. I'm talking about the the Clueless Extroverts, you know, those people who start a conversation with you just to hear themselves talk, then move from topic to topic touching on all of the amazing things that have happened since they talked to you two days ago, while your head spins and throbs as you look for the nearest exit. How anyone can be energized by this is beyond me.
This got me thinking about the differences between the Introverts (Is) and the Clueless Extroverts (CEs) beyond just personality type. This is about how the two can have completely different experiences in the same situation. (I don't have to worry about offending anyone, no Clueless Extrovert will EVER think this is about them.)
~ Is consider "how are you" the most basic of rhetorical questions, with only one possible answer.
~ CE thinks "how are you" is an invitation to launch into a run-down of everything they have seen, heard, felt, thought of, or dreamed in the last 72 hours.
~If CE hears you're having lunch with a friend, she'll skip the part where you didn't invite her and let you know she can probably make it if she gets done with her hair appointment in time. Is would love to have lunch with you. Just you. Please do not surprise Is with three other friends we're 'just going to LOVE!' We won't. In fact, we may even remember something we completely forgot that needs to be taken care of IMMEDIATELY and disappear. This is why we will always meet you there rather than having you pick us up. Is always have an escape plan.
~ For the CE, caller ID is necessary so she'll know when to put you on hold and answer her other call. For Is, it's a safety net to help us not accidentally answer when CE calls unless we're 'in the mood to talk' (listen) and have a minimum of an hour to kill. Bluetooth/headsets were invented so Is could still peek out the window and make sure another CE isn't stopping by unannounced while listening to the CE drivel on about their latest over-exaggerated experience.
~ CE will ask you a bait question hoping you'll bite and ask either the exact same question, or one close to it because they have something they can't wait to share with you. Don't bother answering their initial question, they won't hear your answer, they'll be too busy planning the most dramatic way to tell you their amazing news. The I will do everything they can not to take the bait. It won't matter, the CE will figure out a way to tell you what they have to say anyway.
If the CE is sporting a black eye, the story (You're going to hear it anyway, you might as well ask and make their day) will take at least 25 minutes to tell. If the I gets a black eye, they'll spend 25 minutes covering it up before leaving the house, so no one will ask about it.
CE thinks it's their contribution to society to get Is out of the house. Is will resist unless and until the mood strikes (see doing lunch above. Same rules apply. One on one, we'll take own car and meet you.) Is will never say no outright (we're introverted, not bitchy) but please feel free to take that glazed over look, accompanied by that utterly unenthusiastic 'yeah, that would be fun, but I'm really...*voicetrailsoffmumblemumblemumble*. The great news is, your answers are rarely heard and she's already off on a new topic so *whew*.
~CE wants to introduce you to her friends. Is wants to make sure you don't know any of her other friends, thus risking the group thing. We hate group lunches, parties, dinners, brunches, and forget those GD baby showers. Thank you Target registry for making sending a gift so easy!
~CE phone message: "OMG I have a question for you, and I have a great idea can't wait to tell you, and you won't believe what happened to me today. " Note the ambiguity. Can't risk eliminating the need for a follow-up conversation!
~Is phone message: "Hey. Just wondering if you want to run in the morning. Text or leave a message and let me know." Straight and to the point.
~CE never met a stranger. Everyone is a prospective best friend. When I say friend I mean listener. When I say best it doesn't matter as long as they listen, CE can have multiple best friend's, Is will only have one. Even if CE is out shopping with Is, she'll try to rope perfect strangers into the conversation while Is tries to become invisible. Is avoid the possibility of meeting new people, as well as running into the few we already know. Any venture outside the house is planned accordingly. Can I get an amen for grocery shopping at 7am in a baseball hat.
Warning to Is mixing alcohol with CE will make you forget you are an I! Suddenly all of CE's far fetched plans will sound like a total hoot. Then you will sober up and now you have an unpleasant job to do. You'll have to back out of said plan because you would rather set your hair on fire than visit CE's grown daughter 2 hours away and then 'go antiquing' with them!!!!! For the love of God when will you learn?
Being a CE wouldn't be such a bad gig every once in a while. To not fret over every conversation and just dive right in and talk about oneself would be fun for a change. God, I can't even type that with a straight face.
CEs of the world, take a deep breath. At least make an effort to find other CEs to talk over and let us Is recuperate. You suck the life out of us and we need a break.
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